Addendum to Tip #1:
A few things to keep in mind...
- Don't call a former boyfriend/girlfriend for feedback that you're not still on speaking terms with...trust me, it's not a good look.
- You can also ask your friends for feedback but remember; no retaliation! Just listen.
- Two questions you can ask when you call/see the person: 1) What was/is cool about dating me/being with me? and 2) What was/is challenging about dating me/being with me?
Tip #2: Own it!
Sometimes hearing feedback on ourselves, whether from a friend, a boss, co-worker or current/former significant other, can be difficult. Keep in mind that feedback is a collection of perceptions. At times it can be spot on and other times it can be way the heck in left field. Use your gut to evaluate whether or not a specific piece of feedback feels relevant. If it doesn’t feel relevant, leave it. Don’t let your “negative self talk” convince you otherwise. But if it does feel relevant (e.g. you’ve heard it more than once from a variety of people!) and it’s something you want to change, then OWN IT! Owning it is about being honest with yourself regarding other people’s experience of you. Once you own up to it, you will find yourself more aware of that behavior and better able to modify it accordingly.