The Balancing Act

It only took a sugary rimmed glass of something too sweet for my teeth, followed by a few swigs of “three buck Chuck” (fantastic, cheap wine from Trader Joe’s) to make me question my perspective on love and relationships. I was lounging with a few girl friends of mine, one of whom is a fellow therapist, when a question about relationships came up. Specifically, the question up for debate was, is there ever a balance of love in a relationship? My initial response was “Yes! Of course! Balance is the mark of a healthy relationship!” To which my girlfriends replied that someone “always loves the other more or is doing more at varying points throughout the relationship”. Although the measure of how much you love someone is relative, their statement did get me thinking about whether balance was necessary for a relationship to be healthy. I can easily name countless relationships fueled by the torturous ‘cat and mouse’ game. Not to mention several marriages thriving on the ebb and flow of their love. Turn on the radio and everyone is singing about some push-pull love affair. Is balance an achievable goal in a relationship or will the bell curve always be skewed towards one person or the other? So here’s what I’m thinking. Don’t measure the balance of a relationship by moments in time, measure it by the long haul. When one person’s side of the scale is low on rocks, help fill them up. When your side is low on rocks they’ll help you fill up. It’s not about who gives more at a point in time but rather, over the long haul, are we both contributing all that we are capable of to keep the scales of the relationship in balance. I’ll drink to that…