What Men Really Want Part I: Responses from Male Readers

You asked for it ladies, so here it is. I've received several requests from women readers to answer the question, "What do Men Really Want from Women?" So I figured, why not let my male readers sound off. I asked them to respond and boy did they! Too many responses for just one post so let's consider this Part I. Some pretty interesting thoughts here. I'll reserve my opinion for now. Read, ponder, discuss. Men, sound off! Do you agree? Disagree? Let me hear from you...

-Women assume men aren't as vain as them. Tell your man he looks good and how much you want him. There are women out there who really want your man and if they compliment him once and you never do, he thinks about that...and them. -Siddiqu M.

-Your man needs to feel comfortable talking to you about anything. Once you shut him down he'll likely not open up to you again. If you don't want to hear about his crappy day... he'll find a woman who does. If you don't want to hear about his team winning the football game... he'll find a woman who does. -Anonymous

-We need to learn to "co-exist". Don't try to figure [us] out. [We] don't understand why [you] need so many pairs of shoes and a million purses. [You] shouldn't try to figure out why [we] watch an entire game and insist on watching the highlights on sportscenter. - Scott

-A man wants to feel like he has a purpose in your life, and not just any purpose a huge purpose. Ask your man advice about your career, don't just come home and gossip with him about who you don't like at work. -Siddiqu M.

-Let a man be a man. Yeah you can cut your own grass, paint, pay for your own dinner but let him do it. He knows you don't really 'need' him but make him feel like you do. -Anonymous

Shortage of Good Black Men: Epidemic or Farce?

Let me start by saying that the impetus for this article is very positive. What I mean by that is, for anything to be considered a shortage it has to first be "in demand". I think it's very positive that "Good Black Men" are in demand.

The other day, my best friend Kailei forwarded me a link to a YouTube clip about the reported shortage of Black Men. It was quite thought provoking as it addressed and disputed all of the usual reported numbers of Black Men in jail, gay or not educated. It took a stand and asked viewers not to believe all of the alleged statistics about Black Men. I even felt a goose bump or two as the narrator ended by basically saying that there are indeed good Black Men out there, so don't believe everything you read. I was ready to say "You go boy!" when it hit me.....I can count on all 10 fingers and toes the numbers of intelligent, accomplished, attractive, not crazy young Black women who are single and wishing they weren't. On the other side of the coin, I can name quite a few Good Black Men who insist they can't find a good Black Woman. How can this be? How can two groups of people who are looking for each other, be so "lost in the sauce" trying to find each other?

In speaking with my girlfriends, guy friends and even my counseling patients, it became abundantly clear that "good" Black Men meant many different things depending on who I was speaking with. Some defined "good" by level of education, looks, income, humor, chemistry, maturity, or some combination thereof. Others rattled off lists of criteria from here to kingdom come describing what "good" meant to them. The truth is, the longer your list is the smaller your pool to pick from.

To all Men and Women, here's my advice: It's okay to have preferences, but for your own sake, narrow it down to a few "deal-breakers" and let the rest be icing on the cake. If you have a laundry list of criteria you may in effect be sabotaging yourself (I'd need a virtual couch to address this topic!)

So is there a shortage of "Good Black Men"?....Well, I guess it all depends on how you define "Good".