What Men Really Want Part I: Responses from Male Readers

You asked for it ladies, so here it is. I've received several requests from women readers to answer the question, "What do Men Really Want from Women?" So I figured, why not let my male readers sound off. I asked them to respond and boy did they! Too many responses for just one post so let's consider this Part I. Some pretty interesting thoughts here. I'll reserve my opinion for now. Read, ponder, discuss. Men, sound off! Do you agree? Disagree? Let me hear from you...

-Women assume men aren't as vain as them. Tell your man he looks good and how much you want him. There are women out there who really want your man and if they compliment him once and you never do, he thinks about that...and them. -Siddiqu M.

-Your man needs to feel comfortable talking to you about anything. Once you shut him down he'll likely not open up to you again. If you don't want to hear about his crappy day... he'll find a woman who does. If you don't want to hear about his team winning the football game... he'll find a woman who does. -Anonymous

-We need to learn to "co-exist". Don't try to figure [us] out. [We] don't understand why [you] need so many pairs of shoes and a million purses. [You] shouldn't try to figure out why [we] watch an entire game and insist on watching the highlights on sportscenter. - Scott

-A man wants to feel like he has a purpose in your life, and not just any purpose a huge purpose. Ask your man advice about your career, don't just come home and gossip with him about who you don't like at work. -Siddiqu M.

-Let a man be a man. Yeah you can cut your own grass, paint, pay for your own dinner but let him do it. He knows you don't really 'need' him but make him feel like you do. -Anonymous

Relationship "Red Flags": Spot them before the Altar

The recent news about Shaq and Shaunie O’Neal got me to thinking about that hairy, discouraging number we call a divorce rate. The divorce rate continues to hover between 45-50% per capita according to the U.S. Census Bureau, with the average length of marriages between 5-7 years. With the rate being so high, it begs the question, were there any signs or “red flags”, as I like to call them, that could help couples avoid entering into marriage before they’re ready? Likewise, what are some ways you can begin to explore your relationship to determine if you’ve got some red flags looming in the background? Whether you’re single, in a relationship or in a marriage, try some of these tips to help you avoid being part of that dreaded 45-50%:

• Gut check!: If my friends got a dollar for every time they heard me say “we need to rely on our emotional intelligence more” they’d be rich (and I’d be a willing dependent!). But it’s true people! If your “gut” is telling you something isn’t right, trust it and explore it further! Our emotional intelligence is a lot more informed than we give it credit for.


• 20 Questions: Warning, this tip could easily drive your partner nuts if you handle it like the Spanish inquisition. So go easy on them. It’s important to ask questions on a variety of topics to get a sense of what areas you’re in agreement on and what topics you’re going to need to work through to get to agreement. Check out Dr. Robin Smith’s book “Lies at the Altar” pg. 159-183 for an exhaustive (and I do mean exhaustive) list of potential questions. Cosmo also featured a shorter list of good questions to ask in their July 2007 issue.


• Communicate: If something comes up as a “red flag”, don’t be afraid to communicate that to your partner. You may find that it’s easily resolved. Avoiding conversation about a “red flag” only breeds more “red flags”. So take a deep breath and go for it.


• Will the real you please stand up!: Be authentic in your relationship. It’s natural to want to put your best foot forward when starting a relationship or even when trying to maintain one. But be sure that the foot you put forward is indeed yours and not some manicured replica of someone else’s! Meaning, there shouldn’t be a gapping disconnect between your “best foot” and your “normal, slightly callused, could use a pumice stone” foot. Showcasing the real you can help avoid creating that doozy of a red flag called, dishonesty.