After rushing home from work, getting in a pitiful little 30 minute workout, talking on the phone with my mother and then high-tailing it over to a fellow therapist’s house, we settled in to watch Oprah tell us “why men cheat?” The show featured licensed mental health counselor, M. Gary Neuman along with several couples brave enough to publicly share their struggles with infidelity. I have to say…I didn’t hear anything earth shatteringly new. It basically just confirmed that the reason why men cheat…is the same reason why women cheat. Although, I did get a good belly laugh out of Gary’s suggestion to lo-jack your man or take him for a lie detector test if you suspect he’s cheating. I find it hard to believe that any man who is cheating would agree to take a lie detector test. From my perspective, women ARE lie detector tests! Our “women’s intuition” is all the test we need. Just be sure it’s coming from a place of “gut instinct and substantial proof” and not “neurotic insecurity”. I’ve had clients and friends ask me if it’s okay for them to go through their man’s stuff or tap their phone. My answer is always the same. If you even feel compelled to play Inspector Clouseau, that’s your intuition telling you that he’s cheating. The problem is that women often want the confession so despite the flashing neon sign above his head that says cheater, we want to hear it from his mouth. So we spend a lot of time and energy trying to create a “gotcha!” moment when that energy is best spent confronting your man. Gary’s book is about prevention and helping women see the signs and create an environment that a man would not want to stray from. But the reality is that it takes two to cheat. The man is not the only one being fulfilled in an affair. So the question then becomes, are we all so eager to fulfill our own needs that we’re willing to violate the boundaries of others' relationships? The best way to combat the cheating man, is for women to take a stand and say, I will not involve myself with any man currently in a relationship. Can you imagine if we all took that stand? Where would the cheating man go? My guess is…back home. And once he’s there…feel free to implement Gary’s tips.
Showing posts with label Cheating Men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cheating Men. Show all posts
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Cheating Men on Oprah
After rushing home from work, getting in a pitiful little 30 minute workout, talking on the phone with my mother and then high-tailing it over to a fellow therapist’s house, we settled in to watch Oprah tell us “why men cheat?” The show featured licensed mental health counselor, M. Gary Neuman along with several couples brave enough to publicly share their struggles with infidelity. I have to say…I didn’t hear anything earth shatteringly new. It basically just confirmed that the reason why men cheat…is the same reason why women cheat. Although, I did get a good belly laugh out of Gary’s suggestion to lo-jack your man or take him for a lie detector test if you suspect he’s cheating. I find it hard to believe that any man who is cheating would agree to take a lie detector test. From my perspective, women ARE lie detector tests! Our “women’s intuition” is all the test we need. Just be sure it’s coming from a place of “gut instinct and substantial proof” and not “neurotic insecurity”. I’ve had clients and friends ask me if it’s okay for them to go through their man’s stuff or tap their phone. My answer is always the same. If you even feel compelled to play Inspector Clouseau, that’s your intuition telling you that he’s cheating. The problem is that women often want the confession so despite the flashing neon sign above his head that says cheater, we want to hear it from his mouth. So we spend a lot of time and energy trying to create a “gotcha!” moment when that energy is best spent confronting your man. Gary’s book is about prevention and helping women see the signs and create an environment that a man would not want to stray from. But the reality is that it takes two to cheat. The man is not the only one being fulfilled in an affair. So the question then becomes, are we all so eager to fulfill our own needs that we’re willing to violate the boundaries of others' relationships? The best way to combat the cheating man, is for women to take a stand and say, I will not involve myself with any man currently in a relationship. Can you imagine if we all took that stand? Where would the cheating man go? My guess is…back home. And once he’s there…feel free to implement Gary’s tips.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Do Men have an Instinct to Cheat?
I was listening to the radio on my way to work this morning when I caught an hour segment dedicated to relationships. The on-air personality asked listeners to call in and talk about why relationships don't seem to be working out these days. So a male listener called in and after hearing what he had to say I was ready to call the station myself! Basically what he said is that the reason relationships are not "working out" these days is because women don't know how to stand by their man after their man has cheated. He went on to say that men have been this way for years and will continue to cheat because it's a man's instinct to do so. Furthermore, women need to accept this fact, stand by our man and/or change the behavior that caused him to go out and cheat in the first place.
Where do I begin? There's not enough "blog" in the world to tackle this topic! Loosely defined, an instinct is an inherent disposition toward a particular behavior when prompted by stimuli. If you leave the definition here, it would certainly serve to support the above statement made by the radio caller. But the truth of the matter is, there is one thing that can override instinct, which separates us from animals...INTELLECT! We have the ability to reason and use intellect to determine if we should act on our disposition.
So back to the question, "Do Men have an Instinct to Cheat?" my answer is no. Cheating, although prompted by a stimuli, is the act of deciding to throw caution to the wind and be unfaithful to your partner. There may be several reasons/excuses why a man chooses to cheat (some of them may even be debateably good ones) but the fact of the matter is, it's just down right wrong and not to mention selfish.
This goes out to all men and women: If you haven't yet met the person who makes you want to exercise intellect & self control when faced with the stimuli of someone shiny and new, then keep it moving! Handle your issues, date openly/responsibly and be honest with the people you're dating. And please, please, please...for the love of all that's green...don't get into a relationship until you're truly ready.
Where do I begin? There's not enough "blog" in the world to tackle this topic! Loosely defined, an instinct is an inherent disposition toward a particular behavior when prompted by stimuli. If you leave the definition here, it would certainly serve to support the above statement made by the radio caller. But the truth of the matter is, there is one thing that can override instinct, which separates us from animals...INTELLECT! We have the ability to reason and use intellect to determine if we should act on our disposition.
So back to the question, "Do Men have an Instinct to Cheat?" my answer is no. Cheating, although prompted by a stimuli, is the act of deciding to throw caution to the wind and be unfaithful to your partner. There may be several reasons/excuses why a man chooses to cheat (some of them may even be debateably good ones) but the fact of the matter is, it's just down right wrong and not to mention selfish.
This goes out to all men and women: If you haven't yet met the person who makes you want to exercise intellect & self control when faced with the stimuli of someone shiny and new, then keep it moving! Handle your issues, date openly/responsibly and be honest with the people you're dating. And please, please, please...for the love of all that's green...don't get into a relationship until you're truly ready.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
